The Handy Guide to Gettin’ Handies
Deploy any one of these techniques and your penis will be wrapped in the warm embrace of a lover’s grip faster than you can say “hand jobs actually aren’t that great.”
1. Ask for a blow job. This is the classic negotiation technique of asking for more than what you want, or “anchoring”.
2. Promise to get her off afterwards. This is a classic negotiation technique called “lying.”
3. You know how dogs will sometimes cutely nudge their noses underneath their owner’s hand so that before the owner knows it, they’re actively petting the dog? That, but with your dick. Keep reading
Someone wanted to hear the story of the fish from last night that I said no one would believe…
Okay, I’ll tell ya. Lol. So we’re drifting the Ohio last night in about 60 feet of water. Just chatting it up and all of the sudden my pole goes down. It’s locked in a holder but the front half just goes straight down. So I pick it up and start trying to reel but I can’t do anything with this fish. Every head shake and turn about jerks the rod out of my hand. He just keeps taking line and taking line. I tried to slow him down with my thumb and by tightening the drag up and it didn’t even slow him down. Mind you were free drifting in the current. Finally I get him slowed down where he isn’t taking line and try to make a couple reels to make some ground up. So I tighten the drag up a little bit and make a few reels and he starts pulling again. Not hard enough to take much line but he’s pulling us in a boat against the current. He pulled us about 25 yards up river and then the line snapped. By the way, I was using 50lb braid with a 50lb monofilament leader and an 8/0 circle hook and a skipjack head the size of your palm. It was the fish of a lifetime and it was heartbreaking. Me and Aaron Golladay both were shaking. Aaron was coaching me. “Take your time. Don’t get in a hurry. Take your time. You got him.”
Episode 3 of the trial that I was dismissed from. Guilty.
20 Birds Being Dicks
Whoever said we had to be nice to birds? Not me. They’re not nice to us, why should we be nice to them? Screw ‘em. They can fly all the way south for all I care.